Whenever I Say Your Name

I love Michael.

When I think about him I get a little shiver.  When I see him I get excited – like a kid I get excited.  When I kiss him “Goodbye” or “Hello” we almost always linger a little – not always – but enough to know we are lingering. 

He makes fun of the way I make up lyrics to popular songs when I sing with the radio and it makes me do it on purpose to hear him laugh at me.  His laugh is like those soprano wind chimes to my ears.  I love to make him laugh.  

I make fun of the way he obsessively has a specific place for all of the things in the console of his car and can’t turn on the car until he knows that all the pens and lighters and tic tacs are in their specifically assigned places.  I tease him about the way he subconsciously squares all the staplers, the receipt book and the calculater with the lines of my desk at the warehouse.  And yet, as particular as he is about everything being just so, he can’t write down a phone number without transposing the numbers.

Michael has two speeds.  Off.  And High.  He can jump out of bed before his eyes are done opening, take his morning pills, start the coffee, turn on the computer, and wipe down the cabinets before I recognize that it’s even morning.  He multi-tasks verging on dangerous.   He has been known to change clothes while driving down the highway in torential rain while talking on the phone and reorganizing the back seat and changing a CD.  I am always glad he can’t really see well enough to add texting to his activities.  He eats lunch on the run or standing up over the sink and can hardly bear to sit down in a restaurant and leisurely peruse a menu.  We only eat in restaurants where he already knows what he is going to have before we go inside.  But when he finally sits down, he is usually asleep within minutes.

The love of my life turns over every nickle before he spends it.  A sharp contrast to my impulsive purchasing habits.  Our employees have to become accustomed to negotiating over their pay for a days work.  I agree with our policy of performanced based pay but he will calculate the milage and the fuel cost of each delivery while I value the tasks accomplished while under our direction.  I think the value of unloading a truck full of mattresses as being equal or greater to a single delivery while he regards the same unloading as a non-revenue producing task.

I make him crazy with my insistance on pricey pedicures, extensive waxing and lots of expensive hair and skin care.  I recently removed my acrylic nails and went natural.  When I thrust my hands in front of him to show off my perfect manicure, sans white tips, he only noticed that I needed to have my wedding ring cleaned.

He claims he is going to put a three sheet limit on the toilet paper.

When he bought an expensive driver (a golf thing) to get a free 3 wood, I wondered why he didn’t get a new putter since he always complains about three putting when he got the ball on the green in two shots less than 6 feet from the pin.

He is also incredibly smart and inventive.  He sees opportunity when others see nothing more than a closed door.  His fixation with getting past the door and grabbing the opportunity with single minded purpose is inspiring.  And if someone shuts the door he will just climb over the wall.  There is no stopping his enthusiasm and he never fails to finish something he starts.  Michael is a little like a hurricane sweeping through the gulf.  After watching him single handedly move every mattress and box spring in our Tampa warehouse from the back to the front because it flooded and then proceed to set up a system of crates and barricades to prevent it from happening again, our landlord commented…”Energy just spins around him, doesn’t it.”

I know that there is a reason we found each other.  I know there is a purpose for our union of heads and hearts and souls.  We were always both strong, independant survivor types before and somehow we have become stronger because we are together.  I am so proud of him.  And I so want him to be proud of me.  And I want to say his name again and again and again.

Whenever I Say Your Name    

by Sting and Mary J Blidge

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face
Whatever bread’s in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste
Whenever your memory feeds my soul, whatever got broken becomes whole
Whenever I’m filled with doubts that we will be together

Wherever I lay me down, wherever I put my head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I’m calling out your name

Whenever those dark clouds hide the moon

Whenever this world has gotten so strange
I know that something’s gonna change
Something’s gonna change

Whenever I say your name, Whenever I say your name, I’m already praying, I’m already praying
I’m already filled with a joy that I can’t explain
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I’m on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I’m already praying

Whenever this world has got me down, whenever I shed a tear
Whenever the TV makes me mad, whenever I’m paralyzed with fear
Whenever those dark clouds fill the sky, whenever I lose the reason why
Whenever I’m filled with doubts that we will be together

Whenever the sun refuse to shine, whenever the skies are pouring rain
Whatever I lost I thought was mine whenever I close my eyes in pain
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I’m calling out your name

Whenever this dark begins to fall
Whenever I’m vulnerable and small
Whenever I feel like I could die
Whenever I’m holding back the tears that I cry

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face
I’m already praying
Whatever bread’s in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I’m forced to lie awake and have to weep
Whenever I’m on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I’m already praying

Whenever I say your name,
No matter how long it takes,
One day we’ll be together

Whenever I say your name,
let there be no mistake
that day will last forever

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